Consciousness, Love and Synthetic Purpose

Part of an eating disorder is a feeling of emptiness. I have been told by my shrink time and time again that I must be running from something, that I binge and purge to stiffle feelings I don't want to experience, that there must be a gap I am trying to fill. Part of the gap is love. There is not enough love in my life. The other part is purpose. That I have been working on for years, but I actually feel as though I may have a small grasp of mine now.
I am not religious and thus do not have the predetermined purpose that Holy rollers are "blessed" with. I, like so many of the rest of us, have struggled to identify a reason to live. Obviously I do not know why I am here, but I do believe that with enough dedication I can understand most other mysteries of value. Through this process of learning and evaluating I have created for myself a synthetic purpose that will hopefully lead to continual happiness and allow me to help others find the same.
My jumping off point is always that which I cannot understand. In my field consciousness is often referred to as the elephant in the room, the one subject we cannot approach because it remains beyond the grasp of science. Therefore, I have chosen to devote my professional life to furthering understanding on this most incomprehensible phenomenon. I am driven to carry on living, to find love where I can, to develop my mortal self. I cannot explain why (though I will continue trying).
A note on the nature of mortality...
People often talk about the true point being the journay or process rather than the destination or finished product. This seems an interesting reflection on mortality- we are driven to develop ourselves despite the fact that we are mortal. The process leaves us eventually with nothing and the destination is nonexistance. People often shirk this advice, but it makes complete sense in the larger context of the human condition. Finding joy in the process is the only joy one will ever experience.
For me, the process is learning. It brings me both present and future joy and satisfaction. I love to further my understanding of foreign concepts, and have chosen to spend my life in an academic environment. My goal is not, ultimately, to get a PhD and a tenure track position. My goal is to have a life that allows me to learn continually.
Like other humans, however, I have not entirely accepted the idea of mortality. Death, yes, but disappearrance, no. I still feel compelled to leave a legacy. To be remembered is to be, in a sense, immortal. It is the ultimate having because it is the only thing that a person keeps beyond the grave (not that he would have the ability to appreciate it, but it does offer comfort). Being remembered for something great is the only way to assure you continue to exist. I am trying to let go of this concept, but I am not there yet.
So enjoying the journay has two components for me: learning and loving. Learning gives me present and future benefits and equips me with the tools I need to help others on their quest for happiness. Love is inexplicable- love between families, friends and, well, lovers inherently valuable. The fact that I am conscious and you are conscious and we can recognize one anothers existence and exchange thoughts and ideas and emotions is as far as I am concerned completely true, inexplicable and beyond science. Love is the ultimate source of happiness and I want ot fill my life with as much of it as possible.

So, in short, my purpose:
To enjoy the process by loving and learning continually.
To use what I learn to help others enjoy the process as well.