Heroin Sheek

AHH!!! I CAN"T STOP!!! I slept last night, I worked out this morning, I even went to a friend's place last night to put myself in a situation where I wouldn't eat. I handled it. But today again all I want to do is stuff myself silly.

My cousing is currently dealing with a heroin addiction, and I think about her alot. Last night there was this show on TV called Intervention, which follows addicts around and then their loved ones intervene and put them in treatment. My cousin was clean 30 days, relapsed, and isn't allowed back in treatment. The TV showed this girl put the needle in the vein on the back of her hand, get that glassy eyed look, and vomit extremely violently into a bucket. I have never been around heroin nor seen the act, so this really shook me. I started thinking of my beautiful cousin and all I wanted to do was cry and cry and be sick myself. I got up and left and went to my friend Liz's. She listened and gave me coffee and I felt a little better, but I still can't shake the image.

My cousin and I have always been about the same size, and we both got extremely thin last winter. I figured she was ED like me. Guess not.

It's odd how someone with bulimia would be so appalled by vomit, but something about the normalcy of the girl and the violence of the drug I just can't cope wit.
I texted my cousin to see how she was and didn't get a reply until this morning. She said that she was so depressed yesterday texting seemed like too much work. I have lost several friends to drug related deaths this year (3 to be exact, all under 25), and it has been hard. But family? Shit I can't handle this.