11.01.2008
I Hate My Body
I hate the way I look. I hate how I spill over the tops of my pants. I hate how my stomach sticks out farther then my chest. I hate how I have let my gorgeous body become this bloated jiggling mess. I can't stop crying, my physical form is like this taunting leering reminder that I am not able to control myself and am sloppy and ugly. None of my clothes fit, I am officially ten pounds overweight, I have gained 35 pounds this year. I can tell J isn't that into by body because of the way he looks at me when we have sex. I feel like I am so inadequate, and since I keep getting fatter I feel like he'll think he was somehow conned. Like he started dating this decent looking girl and then she turned into this fat slob. I feel so desperate right now.
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5 comments:
oh hun! Like he said he wants all of you and form him saying that he´ll probably be more understanding than you´re expecting!
About being overweight, if you are at all, once you´ve stabilised your eating pattern you´ll probably lose weight again and then stabilise at a healthy stable weight which you´ll grow to love, with the help of your boy.
I´m sure his not getting off every time you havce sex has anything to do with your body - heck I doubt he´d even have sex with you, or get off at all if he didn´t find you sexually attractive.
Hugs, hope you´re feeling better soon, read your victory post again and again, it might motivate you :)
Virginia x
I'm so sorry hon. I feel like I could have written this. My clothes don't fit anymore, I'm above my setpoint...BUT I have faith that our boys will love us in spite of it and that when we normalize our eating, our weights will normalize too. I'm sorry you're going through this.
I hate my body too. There's this spot inbetween my arms where my pecs connect to my clavicle that has gotten flabby because I stopped exercising for more than a decade. It's not getting any better, really, and it bothers me. You know what else I hate? Defecating. But, gotta' make the best of it...what alternatives do we have? Just gotta' be the best we can be, whatever that is...
You should train with me to run the IL Half-Marathon! It's April 11th, 2009 in Champaign, IL. Plenty of time to prepare.
Thanks for all the support :)
Good to know I'm not alone. Virginia, thanks for the words of reason. Definitely needed, and Kyla, thanks for letting me know that at least people GET this fucked up place my head likes to go sometimes.
Kevin, sarcasm I assume :)? Haha... don't like deficating, eh? I've always rather enjoyed a good satisfying shit :P Hey, you brought it up.
Marathon, eh? I dunno if I can fit that on my plate right now, I think that's your victory march. (I'm being warned against excessive exercise by my shrink b/c it was my favored form of "purging"). I'll come out and cheer you on though :)
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