So... Me n J just got back home after 4 days of visiting my whole extended family upstate. It was interesting. He got on well enough with everyone, and was able to more fully understand WHY I stress out so hard about going home. We got back, have been watching football all day, and just decided that it was pretty necessary for us to get fucked up now. Ha has some AWESOME herb, so we whipped that out. We mixed up some fruity martinis. And opted to crush up a couple wellbutrin and introduce them to our sinus cavities. For anyone wondering: tastes horrible, distinct throat/sinus pain, but feels a bit similar to coke. Didn't work like I remembered. I know, I know... I just got done bragging about how I'd been so good about drugs for a while. Come on, this barely counts! We vetoed the idea of going out to see what we could find, so this is seriously moderation dudes.
And ED stuff? Goes OK. Skipped the workout today, but J and I are going in the morning instead. I overate yesterday, but I underate today. Also probably a slippery slope, but I need to lose ten pounds.
Oh, and big news!!! I got an interview at Northwestern for their PhD program! They are my number one choice, and the woman who called me said I was among their very top applicants! Fuck yea!
Gah. It's Saturday night. I'll be healthy and whatnot again tomorrow. I swear. Perhaps I should investigate this "weekend Warrior" business...
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19 comments:
Congratulations on getting your interview at NW! I'm glad you're back safe and sound (more or less) from your adventures.
Congratulations on your interview, that's so awesome! You worked hard to get where you are. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you :)
And, Wellbutrin, Really, really? lol
Congrats on the interview! Missed you! Much love.
Congrats and a half on your interview, that's brilliant news.
and 10lb, slippery slope, hoping you're OK!
V
Let me be another person that says CONGRATULATIONS on getting the interview and being a top pick! That is awesome! I agree with Violet Starr - Wellbutrin?!
Thank you all for the congratulations and well-wishes :) I am very excited! I will keep updates.
And, for those doubters out there, wellbutrin has a lot of the same pharmacological properties as cocaine, so it's a nice buzz. And I am not alone- check the Erowid vaults, there are many people who find it an entertaining rec drug. But yea, I kinda figured I'd get some flack for that one, but hey, it's all about honesty, right?
"...it's all about honesty, right?"
Honestly, I don't know. For me it's an easier question because nothing I write will come back to haunt me because of how it look to a grad school or a potential employer. I would suggest that you never write in the belief that no one will see it who you wouldn't want to see it.
snow- I'm definitely aware of this. Despite my little pseudonym it is pretty easy to figure out who I am with a little sleuthing. However, I don't think that this blog is all that easy to find if you know my name only and nothing about the blog. Because of this, I'm hoping it stays under wraps. No one who knows me in 3d world knows of the blog, but of course I understand the risk. Neuroscientists would say that I do this because in my youth I lack a fully developed prefrontal cortex (it plays a big role in impulse control and is fully developed by about age 25). Perhaps they are right. Whatever the case, I'll take my chances.
"Neuroscientists would say that I do this because in my youth I lack a fully developed prefrontal cortext..."
I share your skepticism, but I doubt that a neuroscientist would say that a poorly developed fc would definitively cause your behavior in this or any other regard. A general observation needn't fit any specific case to be true.
I'm on Wellbutrin. Should I try my dose the way you tried it, or do you think I should continue to swallow it?
Was it Wellbutrin XL or SR? What dose?
LOL
I can't believe I even asked you that!
snow- i was being facetious. i'm aware of the elementary answer and that anyone with even a decent mind and education understands that complexity of causes behind human action.
vi- I am not encouraging anyone to attempt this. in fact, if u r not someone who is usually into this type of thrill, u will likely find the experience painful and/or anxiety-causing. that being said, they were 300 sr's. i take the coating off with a razor, grind with mortar and pestal, and i think i took about a quarter of that powder. but seriously, i don't think you'll have fun.
"i don't think you'll have fun."
Do you have fun?
P.S. Is there a bit of irony here? "Master of My Mind," on one hand and pot smoking and anti-depressant snorting on the other? I've done my share of drugs, and the result was invariably some loss of mastery over my mind. If I took acid, smoked pot, or drank vodka, I couldn't control the high completely. Esp with hallucinogens, to try to control the high pretty much guarantees that the high is going to whip your ass. So, what gives? What's the motivation for you?
Congrats on the interview!!
I have to say though...whoa, you are slipping down that slippery slope. I hope you are able to get back on track!
Wellbutrin, ey? You know I MUST try that now if it's anything like coke, lol. Now I just gotta find someone with a script! Hey, mega-congrats on the NW news:-) I used to go up there just to hang out on their gorgeous lakefront!
snow- ya, i do have fun. and since honesty is still my take on this blog thing, I'll tell ya I have fun because it makes me horny as fuck without the need to sleep, so ya just me n the man hangin out n doin that is a great time. however, I don't like to highly recommend such minimal and unusual highs b/c ppl are inevitably disappointed. I kno a few ppl who have tried this n hated it. so ya, thats why I say that. The motivation? escapism, pleasure, feeling different? It is true that these things can make one feel out of control, but this temporary lapse doesn't bother me if I am (1) in a situation where I have no imminent responsibility (2) surrounded only by people I completely trust and (3) in the comfort and privacy of my home. True, I am not in control, but I have elected to be so. This is a very different (and much less scary) feeling that grasping desperately for control and finding it out of reach. I woke up Sunday, went to the gym, cooked breakfast, and was fully "in control" again, despite my Saturday night cheap thrills.
Katie- Thanks for the congrats, and yea, I know on the slippery slope, and I appreciate those of you who understand reiterating that to me. The last couple days have been better, but I do really need to concentrate there.
Coke- Don't get too excited :) If your used to the good stuff, it doesn't compare. It's just a hefty body buzz with a horrid aftertaste. But yea, I used to live in Evanston for a while and I def bummed around there all the time. I'm stoked!
I know that oxycontin (Percocette) can be used as you described. I have some, but never did it that way. I also have heaps of Lexapro and was wondering how it would do.
I get you point about temporary involuntary control in a safe setting. I'm the kind of person who can hallucinate on pot, but I never had any problems with it unless I was around people who I didn't know or didn't trust. Would you believe it--I quit buying pot when it passed the $15 a lid mark. After that, I just sponged it, but I haven't even had anyone to sponge it from in over a decade.
So, what good, exactly, is honesty, do you think? The older you get, the fewer people you know who still do drugs.
I don't support snorting Wellbutrin. It's totally abusing a prescription medication, which in my view, is not okay. But it's your life, and it's your body, so you can do what you want. Anyway. Congratulations on the interview, that's awesome!!!
snow- true story. people who do drugs certainly dwindle- some stop, some die. great choices, eh? i like everyone else assume myself among the former. we shall see. haha, lexapro, eh? haven't the slightest.
emily- i totally understand that. it is certainly not to be encouraged, and i also feel the need to speak up about things i see in other people's blogs i disagree with. and thanks :)
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