Encore

So I haven't blogged in like 2 1/2 months.

At first it was because I felt a certain pressure to put out a certain number of entries every month. Odd, I know, but most pressure in my life is self-inflicted, so why should this be any different.

Then it became because I thought that blogging about ED might be triggering. Even though I took a recovery approach, blogging still made me think about food issues almost daily.

I'm not going to lie, the break has been freeing.

I have been doing INCREDIBLY WELL. I finished up my lab work and finals at my undergrad university, ending with a published paper and a 3.98. I graduated. I have made my move to Madison, set up my new apartment with J, started working in my new lab. My relationship is better then ever. I am completely ready to get engaged, and we plan to within the next year. I am happy- not crazy I'm-going-manic ecstatic, but a calm inner happiness. I am fulfilled, at peace, and full of love.

My ED symptoms have been gone pretty much this entire time, which is incredible considering how hard transitions tend to be for me. I don't weigh anymore, but I can tell I have gone down. The 10's I was wearing are huge and the 8's feel good right now. I am happy with the way my body looks- toned and healthy. I can easily eat the trigger foods in moderation. J and I cook whole foods and don't eat out too much. I have traded in my strict weekly work out schedule for bike commuting (3.5 miles each way, 5 days a week) and am thinking about adding some yoga. There is a studio on my block.

I suppose the final part of my journey through recovery has been stopping thinking of myself as a person with an ED or recovering from an ED and rather seeing myself first and foremost as a healthy, loving person.

I thank the blog community for the role they have played in that journey. You have all been tremendously helpful, and this place has been a refuge and a source of camaraderie.

This is going to be my last post on this blog, as I feel I have truly become Master of my Mind.