Today marks 4 months since I have indulged in the nose candy... honestly don't even really miss it, just miss how thin it kept me. To the left you will find a picture of me at my most coked out... probably February. And to think I didn't think anyone could tell... Sleeping at night has been nice though. So weird how I can handle one addiction and not another. I have used coke on and off since I was 14, and from December of last year to May of this year I used at least a little (and sometimes a shit ton) every day. I went to my parents house for a month to recover, quit cold turkey, and haven't done a line in the three months I've been back in my own apartment either. Also with cigarettes... I have smoked since 13, but have no problem limiting myself to one square a day. If for some reason I have more than one one day, I have none the next day with relatively little difficulty. Then there is the ED stuff... I have been struggling with that intensely and cannot seem to get the thoughts out of my mind even though the behavior is somewhat contained right now. The addictive thought patterns remain more than with any other drug I've used (booze, pot, cigarettes, coke, speed, LSD, shrooms, xtc, even crank a couple of times...), and I can't seem to shake them.
Posts
6 comments:
I've heard people say that EDs are harder than drugs to recover from...I'm sorry you are going through this hon :(
I ditto kc elaine. My old T said that with other addictions like drugs, smoking or cutting the problem can be removed, or rather the person can be taken away from it, like you going to your rents' to quit cold turkey, you can take a blade off of a cutter and keep it away from them, they learn to cope without it. With food however, you can't just remove the person from the situation because everyone needs food in their daily lives EVERY day! Therefore, it's often harder to overcome/control!
Virginia x
With every addiction I've ever had, displacement was a key to overcoming it. Sex addiction was probably the biggest addiction I had to overcome, and I displaced it with the will to understand existential questions, which I suppose is an addiction to contemplation. There was one addiction that I managed to develop in this process, and it was the addiction for "enlightenment" or "awakening".
I used to have an addiction to food (overeating), and eliminating this problem was a gradual process for me.
Seeking out happiness in sensual pleasures really isn't a path towards happiness (I'm sure you know this). If you can find one, I would consider investigating meditation as a possible aid to overcoming your problem.
Meditation is something I have worked with alot, though not enough (coincidentally) during the times at which my ED was worst. I come from a family of yogis and new age spiritualists, so I have been practicing in some form since 13. I have recently returned to meditation, precticing almost daily again very recently.
The unfortunate this about displacement is that it cannot be fully applied to food... as Virginia says, you have to eat, and almost daily at that! A gradual process indeed.
I just started meditating a few years ago. I can only go for about 25 minutes for a day, but lately I've had to cut back because of knee soreness (trying to strengthen them up so I can go longer).
I find that I become aware of my breath at interesting moments throughout the day...
Do you ever get the feeling that words are incapable of expressing your feelings? This is what I want to say, perhaps you can piece the puzzle together by coalescing it into a complete picture.
{ Good luck, may your practice be fruitful, I'm praying for you, Amen, Succeed!, If cooking for you every day would help, I would do it...it probably would too, cuz' I'm not that great a cook!, we need you, *crosses his fingers*, as a good friend of mine says, "embrace the possibilities of the intertwined hereafter", be happy, at peace, blissful, courageous, and FEARLESS }
Now if you remove all the crap from what's in the brackets, I'm sure there's a great message in there. :)
Kevin- I LOVE this comment- thank you thank you for that stream of consciousness, I completely feel what you say about the inability of words to fully communicate what one is thinking.
seriously, best way to connect, i am so appreciative to know that you are out there thinking living being.
Post a Comment