Warning: Post is poorly structured and tainted by mind meanerings induced by the title subject.
Is it drug abuse or mind expansion? In addition to some indulgence of late in a little blow, I have also been revisiting my teenage love of hallucinogens. The combination of cocaine and LSD puts me in a really fantastic place: I understand how inconsequential my physical body is in relation the grander scheme of my existence, I approach old problems with new perspective, and when I come down to my Earthly body once again, I am motivated, I am loving and I am greatful to exist. Where is the harm here?
When I was younger, my Mom (a skier herself, if you will), would periodically look at my siblings and I and say, in jest, "Hey, Kid! Get off the drugs!" When we would deny the accusation, her response was invariably, "Then why so down? Maybe you should get on some." This always came with a laugh, but the interchange has developed new levels of meaning as I have come to understand her more fully.
Drugs have always interested me intensely. The ways in which human consciousness is altered is unfathomable and enthralling. I work in a psychopharmacology laboratory, where I have learned a great deal about cocaine, LSD and also methamphetamine (and also have gotten to perform some wicked cool experiments on some unsuspecting rodents...), but better than what I have learned in class or in the lab is what I have learned from my, uh, personal field research. I have learned who I am, what I am doing, what I value most in life.
Yes, I am aware, there is a very consequential downside to drug use. I have seen far more death than I someone my age should have, and this is entirely due to overdoses. HOWEVER, generalization to all drugs of the risks of one or two drugs is inappropriate. Heroin kills, methamphetamine kills. But I challenge any of you to give me an instance of someone dying from mushrooms or even LSD.
Alright, time to go watch the cartoons playing on my ceiling.
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8 comments:
Maybe you can't die immediately, but long term use of these drugs can create deteriorate your brain and result in a schizophrenia-like state. That's if the user doesn't kill themselves first.
I challenge you to find someone on these drugs who has achieved something great. I'm not talking about an artist/musician/writer who eventually goes on to suicide or OD. I'm talking about someone truly happy and giving to society.
hey anonymous...
let me preface this response by saying i understand the risks of drugs, and considering i was ON a few at the time of the post, i think my stretches are moderately defensible. in reponse to your "challenge", my dad has been using cocaine for 30+ yrs and is one of the most respected cardiac surgeons in the chicago land area (no the irony doesn't escape me). i know the blog makes ME sound like a screw up, but I do in fact have a 4.0 gpa in neuroscience at a major research university, have already published my own research (ironically, on drugs of abuse), and have an acceptance with full support to a tp PhD program. I resent the notion that anyone using drugs is clearly not successful or contributing to society.
happy? another question, but it seems one of the chicken-or-the-egg variety.
I do appreciate your input and it is important to consider other destructive effects of drugs (besides all-out death), but the post was really just about degrees of damage and variations between individuals that tend to be overlooked given the all-out stigma attatched to all users of all drugs.
There was a case of someone ODing from LSD. I believe 500g was the lethal dose. Yes, I THINK grams, not micrograms, but I read this particular piece of data awhile ago, and because I don't use acid, I didn't really need to hold on very tightly to this factoid. But maybe you'll find it useful from someone that just reads shit on the Internet (I don't do neuroscientific research at a University, but I do know the scientific method).
The sad thing about life (whether sober or tripping): even the clean and soberest of us will die. No one escapes sickness, death, and old age. It is the great regulator, which is why it is best to contemplate such inevitabilities (I couldn't spell that word) while we still are breathing. This is the great problem of existence.
I heard some Buddhist monks called drug use "emulated meditation". My take on this, is that perhaps "emulated meditation" is better than NO Meditation, but I have come to believe that dependence on anything material, whether it be food (ED is also the acronym for erectile dysfunction), drugs (INCLUDING alcohol), sex, or electric guitars won't solve the problem of suffering and stress.
Some people say the Noble Eightfold Path is the way leading to the cessation of stress and/or suffering. So far, it is the only REAL answer to the REAL problems of existence that *I* have come across (and I've examined quite a few, including drugs). Of course, I'm always open to suggestions to better solutions (it would be unscientific of me to do otherwise).
Hi Kevin,
Totally interesting factoid on the LSD OD... I tried to look it up but couldn't find it.
One thing I wonder is: is the fact that we all die really so sad? My shrink says my lack of concern for continuing to exist is worrisome, but I can't wrap my head around why. Mortality makes every day sweeter, which I know sounds cliche but is true. We are not seeking a final goal, we are living to live. That being said, I seek to broaden my experience as much as possible, and this often includes certain drugs.
On the other hand, I appreciate your vantage point and am moving in that direction myself. In the last year my drug use has gone down to about a fifth of what it had been in favor of the way my mind feels in a condiditon of health and perpetual contemplation. It does feel higher and wholer, but I am unconvinced that any single way to exist is superior or correct. As always, I love to hear your thoughts.
I'm not entirely sure what you mean by "a single way to exist." I couldn't even fathom what this single way to exist might be. Though, the evidence does suggest there just isn't a way around certain things, like colors. I suppose you could say that blue being blue is "a single way to exist" since everyone agrees on the color blue (even color blind folk, or blind folk, but they take our word for it).
I think it's interesting that you aren't concerned about your eventual demise. It would be interesting what your logically thinking would be on this subject. Am I concerned about my demise? I think so. I mean, how is it going to go down? There are some fucked up ways to die (pardon my french), like drowning or burning. It would be nice to think that if I was being burned alive, or drowning that I would manage to keep my cool, or at least tolerate it with a great deal of dignity, but the more I experiment with my tolerances, the less sure I am of my resiliency. The strange thing is I don't really consider myself the weak type, but hey, maybe there's a strength to be find in the realization that I feel things.
I would say that experimenting with pain, like burning cloves cigarrettes on myself, or trying to hold my breath for inordinate amounts of time, or not eating for a day and some change, or getting tattoos isn't the real thing, it does open up the imagination to realize how good I have it.
I would have to think that you're lack of concern of death is because you have already convinced yourself that when you die you will be liberated from suffering by way of non-existence. I'm not entirely sure this is such a guarantee anymore (what about the problem of Justice?), but I would point out that I still have a problem with death in a more reasonable fashion. For instance, if you knew when you died you cease to exist FOREVER, would you even want to exist at all anymore? I realize that existence is a gift, I mean, considering the improbability of it it seems existence should be given some greater weight than nonexistence...so, sure it's great that I can live my meaningless existence in this cold Universe for several decades (if I'm lucky) and manage to do so without TOO MUCH suffering...but really, if I had a CHOICE in the matter, I would like to think I would prefer not existing at all in the first place (let me check, am I still here? yes? Okay.)
What I meant by "single way to exist" was simply that I can't imagine living in absolutes- "I will never use drugs" "I will remain celibate"- I feel that living freely from moment to moment seems more natural and full then trying to follow a set of rules. Perhaps I communicated this poorly.
I suppose that total lack of existence is WHY it doesn't scare me- not an end to suffering so much, but I will be gone, so what is there to worry about. Its not like I'll have to sit and think, oh shit I died, and dwell on all the people and experiences I will miss. Quite contrarily I will completely lack self-awareness, and thus have no means to feel any anything, positive of negative.
As far as the pain aspect... so transitory. Obviously I will not be pleased about it when the time comes, but it can't be avoided and for some reason it doesn't worry me.
(Side note- I have a weird thing about pain and always have- I was a cutter as a kid and always found it pleasurable... hell, I orgasmed when I got my nipple pierced- maybe this unusual response is why I am not so bothered by thoughts of burning or drowning)
If your right about justice, perhaps I have another thing coming. I don't think Justice is a given ever, especially not after death, but even if that IS the case, I like to think I've lived with as much love as possible and won't be too badly off... I'd be curious to hear more on your reasoning behind this, love to get in your head.
I find relaxation is a great way to minimize pain, but I find nearly boiling water to be unpleasant, I can only wonder how much being immolated would hurt. I did not orgasm when I got my tattoo :). Now I have sensitive nipples, but I've never orgasmed from just having them sucked...I have a hard time believing I would orgasm from a piercing. Do endorphins cause orgasms?
So here goes the stream of consciousness. Let me remember what you said. The most striking thing that I find is that you aren't concerned with drowning and burning. I think most people who aren't concerned with such things really haven't given it much thought, or perhaps are at a higher (perhaps different is a better word to use, because lack of fear isn't NECESSARILY better) state of consciousness than I am. Higher states of consciousness usually need to be accompanied with wisdom, otherwise things can spiral out of control. I'm sure you know this...you have more experience with drugs, it seems.
I think that the abyss of potential non-existence is scary when you're facing it, just like big rapists are scary when you're facing them, but aren't that scary when they are just in your imagination. It's difficult to imagine potential problems, and figure out ways to avoid them, if you're mind is clouded by fear. Possibly why we evolved this way...anyway...
There's a great painting Kivorkian drew of the abyss of nonexistence. It's titled Nearer my God to Thee. I'll just copy and paste a link to it (not sure if you have time to look it up, and I already did look up the graphic). http://www-tc.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/kevorkian/aboutk/art/god.gif. Sucks, can't use html in comments.
Who knows, maybe you're lack of fear of such things is your enlightened self.
I don't feel that I'm getting into your mind, but that may be because I doubt your honesty :). You're more than welcome to "get into mine"...just don't break anything important. :)
Thank you for the sarcasm :P
No, I do not think a lack of fear constitutes my enlightenment, but rather as you imply is the result of a lack of imminence. Without such things close at hand it is hard to feel any sort of visceral reaction.
I wasn't saying I felt in I was "in your head" (I always find my word choices silly when they are repeated back to me, like hearing my own voice on a tape recording...), I was just saying that I'd like to be; as in I'd like to understand your statements better. Particularly the one about Judgement and what form, if any, you suspect such a thing might take.
Endorphins are generally released after orgasm, so hard to say what the connection would be...
And thanks for the painting link... way cool image, looks like some of the stuff my Mom does. Extraordinarily interesting given its creator.
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