Emotions Deconstructed.

You ever feel overwhelmed and confused and just generally mentally fucked, but unsure why? Like, every day? Me too. This sometimes helps. This is an exercise I saw on another blog (Kyla) once that I often do on paper. It really helps me figure out where my head is at. All you do is spend a few minutes trying to connect with yourself and make a list all the things you are (or think you might be) feeling. Then you try and come up with the reasons you might feel them. Here goes:




Enthusiastic: I have lots of interviews coming up as well as fun concert excursions. I am getting really pumped about moving in with J this summer. I am ready to graduate college and move on the the next awesome phase of my life.

Excited: I get to go to killer concerts, travel to different cities, meet new people and use fun drugs this weekend.

Nervous: This weekend, I expect to be highly fucked up in unknown places with strangers.

Stress: I have to be writing my thesis, going to interviews, getting a ton of lab work done and keeping my grades up. I also am not going to work this semester, so I will be racking up some lovely debt.

Loved: J is incredibly supportive and never lets me forget how much he loves me. We are going to cook dinner together tonight and have a quiet evening at home. I was so lonely for so long, so this one really feels incredible.

Nostalgic: I just had lunch with my girlfriends and we were reminiscing about all of the times we've had in college and how it's coming to a close.

Accepted: I finally, for once in my life, have a group of fantastic girlfriends who I am open and close with.

Guilt: I have been neglecting my friends to some extent lately because I have wanted to spend so much time with J.

Apprehension: I really want to put everything into this life I am starting with J, but I am still worried about whether he will always be able to keep his drinking under control. He goes out a lot less, but when he does go out he gets fucked the hell up every time and it scares me. He and I have been talking about it and I want to have full faith he will continue to get better and better, but I am unsure.

Pretty: I had a follow-up interview for that GRE prep course I want to teach, and I am wearing my pretty blue eye-matching interview shirt.

Energetic: J and I got up early and went to the gym this morning. I had an awesome workout and feel great from it.

Worried: My Mom's mental illness has gotten really out of control lately. She may have to be institutionalized and I am really afraid of how that will affect my 13-year-old sister.

So, there you have it, the inner working of my head unveiled.

xKimX