Vino Veritas

Today I was given two tickets for an "accident" that didn't involve any collision. I signaled to switch lanes, he swerved into a curb, and at the next stop light he pounded on my wondow. I pulled over but wouldn't give him my info without the police present. Long story short, although officer frinedly seemed sympathetic to my crying ass, I was ticketed for not having an insurance card on me and "improper lane usage". I could have fled the scene. I could have claimed I knew nothing about the incident. So many ways I could have weaseled out, but I felt all obligated and such. But I still think I can take care of it in court. I was supposed to lose my liscence this year but a little convo with the state's attorney saved me. Now I have this strange naive sense of invincibility. We'll see how it plays out.
With me in the car was my ED buddy, A. She is still in the depths of her struggle, and I think I am the only person she really shares it with fully. Maybe her boyfriend also. Anyway, she kept me pretty calm (aside from one short bout of hysterics), and I am glad she was there with me. We used to hate each other and we share an ex boyfriend- ED makes strange bedfellows I suppose- but now we're pretty tight.
After the incident I went to the grocery. I made dinner for J, myself, my room mate and my best friend (a guy I've known since 7th grade). It was a great time, and the best part was xero food anxiety.
After dinner, I told J I'd bought some vino and games and such and some friends and I planned to make an evening of it. He told me his brother wanted to jam this eve. I said, that fine, I am disappointed, but I didn't ask in advance, go ahead and have some fun. He then said he would call me at 11 or 12. At 1 he still hadn't. This is the first time he has ever not done what he said he was going to do, and I was hurt. Escpecially after I cooked him dinner. I called him and he asked what was going on. I told him my friends and I were finishing up. I hoped he would say he wanted to meet up with me, but I didn't ask. He said he would be at his brothers until late. I said, shortly, that's fine, bye.
But now I feel like crap. I have felt like this with other guys before, but it is the first time with J. I just feel lonely, and I know it is wine-powered and chemical and shallow, but I really wish he were here with me. I just pictured my evening ending snuggled up with him. I know I'm obsessing and being emotional, but I think not irrational. I suppose I'll sleep on it. Update to follow, I assure you.
I will say I am glad I get to see Dr. A Monday. A week does seem a long while to wait.
One cool thing- although I feel lonely and upset, the temptation to binge is minimal. A month ago at this point, upset with the boy, alone and a bottle of wine in, I'd most likely be a quart of ice cream and half a cereal box further into the ground. But I don't want that. I'm actually not feeling self-masochistic: I know that would make me feel worse, so I don't want to do it. This recovery thing is great- I am unhappy, but I am not compelled to test how unhappy I could possibly be. A distinct improvement.
Enough drunken ramble from your truly.
Buenos Noches,

xKimX