My new T, we'll call her Dr. A, is working out pretty well. I was slightly put off at first- I was in there literally 4 minutes when she asked,
So have you been diagnosed as bipolar before?
Grr. Yes. That is not what I was here to talk about, but apparently it is going to be.
Been on any meds for that? There is not an iceberg's chance in hell that I'll fill any scrip you give me unless I intend to crush it and suck it up nose.
But, after that was cleared up, it was pretty smooth sailing. She doesn't ask too many questions, she just sort of lets me go off and then gives me her take on it. I prefer a therapist with a more active approach, but I'll give this ago because she seems relatively bright and insightful. She also said
You would probably benefit from coming in more than once a week.
So I made the she's-that-crazy list.
Unfortunately, I can't disagree with her. Mostly I'm only as together as I am right now because I see her, my nutritionist and my exercise councelor every freakin' week, so why not up it? What I need to remember is that, at least for now, this is what it takes for me to be healthy. I'll probably be able to wean a bit eventually, but I am in a good place right now because of these people. Come on Kim, stick with it. Gah.
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14 comments:
I'm bipolar too. Violet is not used to discussing it, but violet's alterego discussed it pretty often. It's hard to live on it every day and yet ignore it but write on. But this was my mission. To write, in the face of all the quirky disturbances of my life! lol. I think you and I have a lot in common actually...
I think it takes a lot of strength to do what you have to do to take care of yourself. And to be brutally honest about it. Keep it up because this is the ONLY way to get better. It sucks. But its worth it :)
One of the things my therapist told me to do, as a man who was molested as a young boy, was to write a letter to myself using my non-dominant hand. (I'm right handed, but I've been practicing with my left hand :). If you find yourself disconnected from your feelings, you may ask what she thinks of the strategy towards inner harmony.
you are so right!!! Sticking what works is the key to Recovery...you are doing so well and Im sure in part its to do with your team but a large part is due with your perservernce!!
Keep Rocking!!!
Love, Z
Whoa!
Vi- is an alter-ego a diff blog? just curious... and i agree, it seems we def have some shared quirks, if you will :)
C- Thanks for the support, I always appreciate how positive you are!
K- Thats an interesting thing to say... When I was at my low in about April of this year, my Mom took me out to a forest preserve with a whole bunch of art supplies and said we were going to do whatever came to us, but with our left hands. Some crazy stuff came out because we were able to let it out without judging our work. I'd forgotten that until you said this, but I'll def try the letter. Thanks!
Z- As always, thanks for the support. I have had to do some work, but I would say the credit goes primarily to those who didn't give up on me when I gave up on myself.
Thanks for the
WOW that's a lot of appointmens and people to see. But it's working so yeah, go for it. At least she's catering for your needs, seeing youore when she needs to nd less when she doesn't, I assume! Well sounds good, she reminds me of my old T, by the not asking just listening d giving her take on it.
Also agree with the stuff about conversation you wrote in your previous post,totally! As for the photo shoot -neat idea! It'd totally boost your self-esteem and body confidence I reckon!
I also justread your comment about left handed art in the woods, sounds interesting. At art college they teach us to use our weakest hand but for other effects, although that's interesting!
Anyway, to sum it up
keep it up :D
Makes me smile to hear you're doing well!
You are acquiring lots of wisdom at a young age. Keep it up & you will surely accomplish great things! :)
Hey girl, like you said... from one kindred spirit to another. I think you are on to something, you might as well share with her if you are going to be there anyway. Trust in the process, remember that she's NOT fixing you, YOU are fixing you, you're just letting her watch. With much adoration.
I am glad Dr. A is working out okay. I'm in DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy), so my therapist takes an active approach. My old therapist, though, did cognitive behavioral therapy with me, but was very passive. Sounds like Dr. A is kind of in the middle. I say, whatever works for you!
P.S. the comment on your last blog post was left by me using my regular email address. Oops! Just wanted to let you know it was me.
I've done therapy 4x a week, so there's no limit to the "craziness." Honestly, I think it's a matter of how much support you could use, how hurt you are, things like that, not how "crazy" you are that indicates how often you should go in. I've also gone in 2x weekly when I was doing relatively well for the extra support, just to help me not relapse.
V- Thanks, thats a good way to think of it. And I suppose your right, because I know my Mom has a hard time getting to see her T more than once a week. Also, thanks for the support on the shoot idea!
Coke- Haha, I hope you're right... I feel like I'm just staying afloat :P
L,E,R- Thanks for that, a good thing to keep in mind. I actually had that convo with her Monday :)
Em- Haha, I assumed it was you, same name and all. I suppose she is sort of in the middle, but I am not sure I prefer it. What is this "dialectical" business? I am curious...
Kyla- That actually really makes me feel good, to frame it as a strong positive step in taking care of myself. My mom always says she feels like a failure when she has a "two appointment week" so I'm glad to hear not eveyone feels that way.
It seems like you really know where you are in the process...I have resisted (depression) meds in the past because I want to be happy on my own. I don't want my personality to be changed by drugs.
I am 10 years older than you....but I find a lot of strength in your writing. I've struggled so long that I haven't pay attention to how many more women out there are fighting this fight. Yes, I know men are too.
I wonder what causes the betrayal that takes us from strong independent children to broken adults. I know it is different for each of us. I think I am a lot p-ed off that fighting this fight takes away so much of who we are. We focus energy on survival, meds, dr. appointments, eating plans, survival plans and such forth that we actually lose time to be us, to be our creative selves, our loving selves and our giving selves.
Fight on.
You a conscious human being.
And you have reminded me that I am too.
I've heard the things I think about saying to you, but I can't bring myself to say because I don't think they helped me.
Finding hope.....ah, that was my tipping point.
Katie- Thanks for that, I do feel more secure every day with being on the other side. I have mixed feelings about depression meds (i used to study them so i am all too acquainted with the negative), and ya, since I am an addictive sort of person (I hate admitting that) I am a bit afraid.
led- I love new readers!!! I totally feel the anger- ED (or whatever other addicitons we struggle from) rob us of so much. I'm glad you find my positive outlook (naivete?) helpful. I am curious what you think about saying to me?
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