Every year, since about 2002, I make myself a "life guide". It lists the current state and goals for each area of my life (relationships, education/career, health/body, etc.) in June and December I look through these to check my progress and note how I have changed. I just completed my 2009 guide update, and from it I have (as always) drawn this year's New Year's goals and resoltuions.
1. Maintain healthy eating and exercise habits and allow my body to settle at a natural, healthy weight.
2. Get into a neuroscience PhD program, hopefully somewhere in Chicago.
3. Become fully financially independent. Yes, this even means getting off the family car insurance and phone plan.
4. Stay in touch with friends and family as I move into the next phase of my life.
5. Prioritize and appreciate my relationship with Jeremy.
6. Become more environmentally friendly (open to ideas/suggestions for implementation of this!)
7. Make time to center myself and relax. Become stronger in myself and more in control of my moods.
8. Become more informed about current events (I just set my home page on my browser to a personalized Google news page!)
What are your resolutions? I LOVE to hear about how people prioritize their lives and go about improving themselves. Also, do you expect to be successful? I do.
AND for those who are interested, these 'life guides' also contain my life long goals, which actually haven't changed for several years now:
1. Have a happy healthy marriage.
2. Raise two children into well-adjusted, happy adults.
3. Stay satisfied with myself and happy with my current situation in each stage of life.
4. Get a PhD in neuroscience.
5. Discover something that will improve the quality of people's lives.
6. See the world.
7. Be free, be present, be appreciative, be aware.
8. Fill my life and the lives of others with love.
9. Leave the world somehow better then when I entered it.
Happy New Year!!!
xKimX
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
12.30.2008
12.27.2008
Back On Track
So yesterday I tried to get back on track, but I ended up overeating anyway at night. But the good things about that day were that I did my workout, that I found out I got all A's again this semester, that I got an interview for the job I want in the spring working nights teaching a GRE prep course, that I lined up my second graduate school interview (University of Chicago and UW Madison so far!), that I got to have a good hour-long talk with Jeremy on the phone and that despite the storms my aunt and uncle arrived here safely from Cali. So the point is, yesterday I did end up overeating (like 3000 cals!), but it was overall still a really good day and I can't suddenly become obese overnight.
Today I DID manage to stick to my healthy eating plan, likely because I didn't let yesterday's disappointment get me down. I also made it to the gym again, did some work on my thesis, had another really great talk with Jeremy and got a bunch of errands done that I had been putting off. I am feeling way better! I am also feeling heartened that I will be able to go back to normal eating now that the holiday chaos has passed.
AND even though I have had some difficulty with my eating of late, I have still been doing AWESOMELY in terms of keeping clean. (FYI, my definition of 'clean' excludes booze and pot from the realm of drugs, it just means like no coke, meth, H, X and the like. I honestly would probablly still call myself clean after like acid or shrooms since they have zero abuse potential.) But yea, it has been over two months since Jeremy or I have done any of that shit, and I am proud of us.
And a little more on the relationship front... shit has definitely evolved. It has only been a short while (3 mos.) but I feel like this guy was freakin' hand-crafted for me. It's so rad, like I've never connected with another being like this outside of my madre. Oh ya, and big news- he's gonna move to Chicago (or wherever I end up) next year! He announced that that was his intent like a week ago and I was totally ecstatic/relieved because I didn't want to ask him to (resentment, etc.) but was totally wiggin' out about what would happen to us, so ya this like made my month. And I know I have to be realistic and a lot can happen and la la la, but hey for now I'm overjoyed.
That below is us after his company Christmas party wasted at a fav local spot, bwahaha. Hey, we didn't do anything shady, just ur usual Christmas cheer :)
Be healthy and love yourselves ladies and gents,
xKimX
Slightly later:
Gah. How come after I eat whatever the last thing I am supposed to eat is I suddenly start stressing out about the fact that I don't have more to eat. It's like when your coke runs out and you are really upset about it even before your high wears off from the last of it. Don't worry kiddos, I'll be strong, I have eaten the proper amount today and I know how good I feel when I stay on track. I can wait until tomorrow, I will be really strong for a couple more days, and then I will be all on top of my game 100% by New Years to start this 2009 biz-nass off right. But gah, I hate the feeling and I needed another little session of blog therapy to feel on top of it.
Sending strength to allll of you (and gettin' it back whether you know it or not!)
Peace, love, nighty night :P
Today I DID manage to stick to my healthy eating plan, likely because I didn't let yesterday's disappointment get me down. I also made it to the gym again, did some work on my thesis, had another really great talk with Jeremy and got a bunch of errands done that I had been putting off. I am feeling way better! I am also feeling heartened that I will be able to go back to normal eating now that the holiday chaos has passed.
AND even though I have had some difficulty with my eating of late, I have still been doing AWESOMELY in terms of keeping clean. (FYI, my definition of 'clean' excludes booze and pot from the realm of drugs, it just means like no coke, meth, H, X and the like. I honestly would probablly still call myself clean after like acid or shrooms since they have zero abuse potential.) But yea, it has been over two months since Jeremy or I have done any of that shit, and I am proud of us.
And a little more on the relationship front... shit has definitely evolved. It has only been a short while (3 mos.) but I feel like this guy was freakin' hand-crafted for me. It's so rad, like I've never connected with another being like this outside of my madre. Oh ya, and big news- he's gonna move to Chicago (or wherever I end up) next year! He announced that that was his intent like a week ago and I was totally ecstatic/relieved because I didn't want to ask him to (resentment, etc.) but was totally wiggin' out about what would happen to us, so ya this like made my month. And I know I have to be realistic and a lot can happen and la la la, but hey for now I'm overjoyed.
That below is us after his company Christmas party wasted at a fav local spot, bwahaha. Hey, we didn't do anything shady, just ur usual Christmas cheer :)
Be healthy and love yourselves ladies and gents,
xKimX
Slightly later:
Gah. How come after I eat whatever the last thing I am supposed to eat is I suddenly start stressing out about the fact that I don't have more to eat. It's like when your coke runs out and you are really upset about it even before your high wears off from the last of it. Don't worry kiddos, I'll be strong, I have eaten the proper amount today and I know how good I feel when I stay on track. I can wait until tomorrow, I will be really strong for a couple more days, and then I will be all on top of my game 100% by New Years to start this 2009 biz-nass off right. But gah, I hate the feeling and I needed another little session of blog therapy to feel on top of it.
Sending strength to allll of you (and gettin' it back whether you know it or not!)
Peace, love, nighty night :P
12.06.2008
Vino Veritas
Today I was given two tickets for an "accident" that didn't involve any collision. I signaled to switch lanes, he swerved into a curb, and at the next stop light he pounded on my wondow. I pulled over but wouldn't give him my info without the police present. Long story short, although officer frinedly seemed sympathetic to my crying ass, I was ticketed for not having an insurance card on me and "improper lane usage". I could have fled the scene. I could have claimed I knew nothing about the incident. So many ways I could have weaseled out, but I felt all obligated and such. But I still think I can take care of it in court. I was supposed to lose my liscence this year but a little convo with the state's attorney saved me. Now I have this strange naive sense of invincibility. We'll see how it plays out.
With me in the car was my ED buddy, A. She is still in the depths of her struggle, and I think I am the only person she really shares it with fully. Maybe her boyfriend also. Anyway, she kept me pretty calm (aside from one short bout of hysterics), and I am glad she was there with me. We used to hate each other and we share an ex boyfriend- ED makes strange bedfellows I suppose- but now we're pretty tight.
After the incident I went to the grocery. I made dinner for J, myself, my room mate and my best friend (a guy I've known since 7th grade). It was a great time, and the best part was xero food anxiety.
After dinner, I told J I'd bought some vino and games and such and some friends and I planned to make an evening of it. He told me his brother wanted to jam this eve. I said, that fine, I am disappointed, but I didn't ask in advance, go ahead and have some fun. He then said he would call me at 11 or 12. At 1 he still hadn't. This is the first time he has ever not done what he said he was going to do, and I was hurt. Escpecially after I cooked him dinner. I called him and he asked what was going on. I told him my friends and I were finishing up. I hoped he would say he wanted to meet up with me, but I didn't ask. He said he would be at his brothers until late. I said, shortly, that's fine, bye.
But now I feel like crap. I have felt like this with other guys before, but it is the first time with J. I just feel lonely, and I know it is wine-powered and chemical and shallow, but I really wish he were here with me. I just pictured my evening ending snuggled up with him. I know I'm obsessing and being emotional, but I think not irrational. I suppose I'll sleep on it. Update to follow, I assure you.
I will say I am glad I get to see Dr. A Monday. A week does seem a long while to wait.
One cool thing- although I feel lonely and upset, the temptation to binge is minimal. A month ago at this point, upset with the boy, alone and a bottle of wine in, I'd most likely be a quart of ice cream and half a cereal box further into the ground. But I don't want that. I'm actually not feeling self-masochistic: I know that would make me feel worse, so I don't want to do it. This recovery thing is great- I am unhappy, but I am not compelled to test how unhappy I could possibly be. A distinct improvement.
Enough drunken ramble from your truly.
Buenos Noches,
xKimX
With me in the car was my ED buddy, A. She is still in the depths of her struggle, and I think I am the only person she really shares it with fully. Maybe her boyfriend also. Anyway, she kept me pretty calm (aside from one short bout of hysterics), and I am glad she was there with me. We used to hate each other and we share an ex boyfriend- ED makes strange bedfellows I suppose- but now we're pretty tight.
After the incident I went to the grocery. I made dinner for J, myself, my room mate and my best friend (a guy I've known since 7th grade). It was a great time, and the best part was xero food anxiety.
After dinner, I told J I'd bought some vino and games and such and some friends and I planned to make an evening of it. He told me his brother wanted to jam this eve. I said, that fine, I am disappointed, but I didn't ask in advance, go ahead and have some fun. He then said he would call me at 11 or 12. At 1 he still hadn't. This is the first time he has ever not done what he said he was going to do, and I was hurt. Escpecially after I cooked him dinner. I called him and he asked what was going on. I told him my friends and I were finishing up. I hoped he would say he wanted to meet up with me, but I didn't ask. He said he would be at his brothers until late. I said, shortly, that's fine, bye.
But now I feel like crap. I have felt like this with other guys before, but it is the first time with J. I just feel lonely, and I know it is wine-powered and chemical and shallow, but I really wish he were here with me. I just pictured my evening ending snuggled up with him. I know I'm obsessing and being emotional, but I think not irrational. I suppose I'll sleep on it. Update to follow, I assure you.
I will say I am glad I get to see Dr. A Monday. A week does seem a long while to wait.
One cool thing- although I feel lonely and upset, the temptation to binge is minimal. A month ago at this point, upset with the boy, alone and a bottle of wine in, I'd most likely be a quart of ice cream and half a cereal box further into the ground. But I don't want that. I'm actually not feeling self-masochistic: I know that would make me feel worse, so I don't want to do it. This recovery thing is great- I am unhappy, but I am not compelled to test how unhappy I could possibly be. A distinct improvement.
Enough drunken ramble from your truly.
Buenos Noches,
xKimX
11.27.2008
Yeah Gratitude
This trip has been INCREDIBLE. My whole crew (all six of us) have been getting along well and I have definitely been able to satisfy the I-miss-my-fam craving. I even managed to get through Thanksgiving (we did ours yesterday) without overeating- I didn't even think that was possible.
Over the course of the week I have done about 30 miles of hiking in the mountains. I am a total hippie and love being "in touch with nature", not to mention having a way more fun form of exercise than the eliptical at the gym. Being here has definitely fed my spirit.
But... I still can't wait to get back. I miss Jeremy intensely. I am a little nervous about seeing him- I have only known the man two months, and we haven't seen each other in two weeks... it was one of those fall-fast-and-hard things and I am totally nervous it will somehow be different or ruined. As I sit here thinking about him I am simultaneously feeling an intense love and a desperation that borders on nausea. Oh, Kim, you have let yourself get in over your head once more. But I honestly don't think I could have stopped it if I'd tried. Haha, silly girl, sitting here thinking, "maybe this time I won't get hurt."
In short, life is great. I definitely feel centered and ready to get back to my life. I hope everyone has a fantastic Thanksgiving!
__________________________________________________________
(Because it is Thanksgiving, after all)
Gratitude List:
1. My whole family is together, healthy and getting along. I can actually say I have good relationships with both my parents and all my siblings.
2. I am in love with a brilliant and loving man who loves me back. I am so excited to see where life will take us.
3. I have a truly incredible circle of close friends. I can be myself fully around these incredible people, and I know they will always love and accept me (as I will them).
4. I am finally out of the ED woods. I am maintaining good healthy eating and exercise habits, and I feel great because of it. I never knew life could be so full and free of anguish.
5. I love my body. I really do. It is strong and healthy and attractive. I am within the healthy weight range for my age and height (albeit the high end), and I look and feel vital.
6. There is purpose in my life. My ability in neuroscience is rare, and I can use it to help people live fuller lives. Problems like mood and personality disorders isolate people, and I want to figure out the basis of these problems and how to correct them, thereby offering people the means to break out of their lonely struggles and connect with and love others.
7. I am not looking forward to the next stage of my life. I am happy with the now.
Mostly, this list is saying that I am greatful for love. I am greatful to have love for myself, share love with so many others, and help people who lack love find it.
Over the course of the week I have done about 30 miles of hiking in the mountains. I am a total hippie and love being "in touch with nature", not to mention having a way more fun form of exercise than the eliptical at the gym. Being here has definitely fed my spirit.
But... I still can't wait to get back. I miss Jeremy intensely. I am a little nervous about seeing him- I have only known the man two months, and we haven't seen each other in two weeks... it was one of those fall-fast-and-hard things and I am totally nervous it will somehow be different or ruined. As I sit here thinking about him I am simultaneously feeling an intense love and a desperation that borders on nausea. Oh, Kim, you have let yourself get in over your head once more. But I honestly don't think I could have stopped it if I'd tried. Haha, silly girl, sitting here thinking, "maybe this time I won't get hurt."
In short, life is great. I definitely feel centered and ready to get back to my life. I hope everyone has a fantastic Thanksgiving!
__________________________________________________________
(Because it is Thanksgiving, after all)
Gratitude List:
1. My whole family is together, healthy and getting along. I can actually say I have good relationships with both my parents and all my siblings.
2. I am in love with a brilliant and loving man who loves me back. I am so excited to see where life will take us.
3. I have a truly incredible circle of close friends. I can be myself fully around these incredible people, and I know they will always love and accept me (as I will them).
4. I am finally out of the ED woods. I am maintaining good healthy eating and exercise habits, and I feel great because of it. I never knew life could be so full and free of anguish.
5. I love my body. I really do. It is strong and healthy and attractive. I am within the healthy weight range for my age and height (albeit the high end), and I look and feel vital.
6. There is purpose in my life. My ability in neuroscience is rare, and I can use it to help people live fuller lives. Problems like mood and personality disorders isolate people, and I want to figure out the basis of these problems and how to correct them, thereby offering people the means to break out of their lonely struggles and connect with and love others.
7. I am not looking forward to the next stage of my life. I am happy with the now.
Mostly, this list is saying that I am greatful for love. I am greatful to have love for myself, share love with so many others, and help people who lack love find it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
