Apologies for the extended lapse in blogging. I did make it out the door that day, and somehow or another I got to my Yale interviews. They seemed to go really well, and the science was incredible, but I really can't see myself living in Connecticut. From New Haven I went to Chicago. J picked me up from the airport, and brought me the meds I needed from downstate. The airline lost my luggage, but after I finished replacing everything they located and returned it to me. On Saturday night J took me out to probably the nicest dinner anyone has ever treated me to. I honestly can't remember the name of the place, but suffice it to say it was AWESOME. He stayed the night with me at the Hotel Sax (compliments of the University), and we drank champagne and I was able to center and feel a little more whole again. I honestly don't think I would be making it through these interviews if it weren't for J- I would definitely have canceled and withdrawn by now. This guy is my rock and I am so friggan' lucky and appreciative. Sunday J left and I was wined and dined by the University at Gioco's. Monday I went to my University of Chicago interviews. I absolutely fell in love with the school and the program. I thought it would end up being Northwestern, but now I am not so sure, U of C seems to fit me really well. Last night I flew out of O'Hare to Orange County. I left my phone in a cab on the way to the airport, and thus my travels were incredibly stressful. Somehow or another I made it to Costa Mesa, and I am currently lying on a pull out at my aunts house. Today my cousin B and I are going for a run on the beach, and this afternoon my aunt, uncle and cousins and I are going for happy hour and appetizers. I won't be drinking, but I'm pretty stoked. Tomorrow I am interviewing at USC, and then Thursday I fly back to Chicago.
Eating well has been incredibly tough on this trip. I absolutely failed on that front at the Yale interviews. There was food EVERYWHERE, and everything was comped so the grad students hosting me were eager to eat and eat. I felt really gross for most of that stay, but tried to enjoy myself anyway. I am figuring I can only be in control of so many things at once, and in this whirlwind travel experience the food thing is tough. I have definitely overeaten immensely every day of this trip, and I even skipped a workout which is unheard of for me. I have today off to be healthy and I and happy for that. I weighed on my aunt's (somewhat friendly) scale and actually haven't gained much, so my mood is good now. I have been trying to figure out what is different about now and when I was doing well and I think the thing that is missing is the memo pad. I used to keep a little notebook and plan out what I wanted to eat the next day on the top half and then record what I actually ate on the bottom. This got me to think about what I would be eating in advance and plan to have treats and such later instead of as I craved them. I want to get a little notebook today so I can go back to that.
So, in short, I'm doing pretty well, but life is odd. I am falling behind in my classes, my lab work and my thesis, but I know it will all end up OK.
One day at a time.
xKimX
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8 comments:
okay so you had some slips no biggie just get up and shake it off!!! getting the notebook sounds like a great Idea. I have food jounaling for the last month or so and its really kept me on track...remeber recovery is not a staright line and it sounds like you are doing really great at the acceptance thing..keep working I know its tough but from what I hear it becomes easier as you go. hey and awesome on being wined and dined by such schools. it speaks volumes of your inteligence. Iam glad J is being there for you and I really hope you are able to either find or replace your cell, I know I feel naked without mine!!
love you Z
I wish I had something really inspiring to say... but finding words are hard when you feel like someone just read your troubled mind. So, ***hugs*** Hang in there, my friend. You will beat this. Setbacks happen can so often, but they are overcome and get us through it with even more strength the next time. xoxo
Z- Thanks for the words of encouragement- I actually feel like I have sort of hit a turning point in this current little backslide. I am ready to overcome. I am taking action.
Vi- Haha, seems like you did find something awesome to say at the end there :) thanks for the support and commiseration.
Your attitude through this whole trip has been excellent! You're gonna get more daggers thrown at you for sure, but just catch them by the handle & throw them right back;) You are a spiritual ninja!
One day at a time is always the best way to deal with things.
coke- aww, thanks soo much! i actually feel like i am hitting a turning point after this long period of health/recovery difficulty and i am rip roaring and ready to go :) so ya, i am in touch and connected and all that jazz, and everything else will follow.
princess- ain't it the truth- for me at least that's easier said than done, but i am trying
First of all, kudos to making it to your interviews and kudos that they are going so well!
Because you are going through a lot of stress with travel and interviews, it's not shocking that you are struggling a bit with food. When I'm stressed, ED tends to rear it's ugly head. But it sounds like you have a good plan to get back on track. Recovery is all about ups and downs, so this really is no biggie.
You rock!
Thanks Kara! As I am sure we all know, ED comes with perfectionism, so it is really good to hear other people who know what's up say that the up and down is just a part of it all.
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